COMMON QUESTIONS
Am I being abused?
Physical abuse is pretty easy to identify, but domestic abuse, goes much deeper than physical harm. Verbal, financial, and sexual abuse are among the many different types of abuse.
Why do Abusers abuse?
Abuse is a learned trait from early exposure to abuse within the family. An abuser can learn from friends who also abuse their wives. People who abuse seek to have dominance in a relationship. Alcohol or drug misuse can also play a role into abuse.
What about my kids?
If you are prepared to leave, do not tell the kids the plan if they are of young age. They are likely to leak information. If the child is old enough, prepare a safety plan with them. Have a safe place where you and your children can go. After leaving with the kids, one must relocate and change their children’s schools, so the abuser doesn’t show up there.
I know someone is being abused, what should I do?
You should let them know that you are concerned for their safety and be supportive. Set up a time to meet with them and help her make a safety plan. You should encourage them to talk to a local domestic violence agency. They may decide to leave their partner, but also may decide to stay for a variety of reasons. If they decide to leave, stay in touch with them and offer help wherever possible. If they decide to stay, know that they do not want to leave because the abuser may become more dangerous after leaving, and the safety of their children will be at risk.
I’m ready to leave, now what?
Gather important items and documents and leave them with a trusted individual or somewhere accessible to you
- Money
- Check book
- Credit card/ATM card
- Order of Protection
- Passport
- Immigration documents
- Work permit
- Driver’s license and registration
- Social Security card
- Your partner’s Social Security number
- Medical records
- Insurance policies
- Police records
- Record of violence
- Children’s school and immunization records
- Lease
- Birth certificates
- Baby’s things (e.g., diapers, formula, medication)
- Medications
- Clothing
- Eye glasses
- Family pictures
- Address book
- Important telephone numbers
- Mobile phone
You must have a plan of escape and practice doing it when the abuser is not home
Have somewhere you can go to after leaving
Talk to an attorney about your state’s custody laws. Consider getting a protection order. It may award you temporary custody of your children and help with your longer term plans.
Call the police if you and your children need immediate protection. Be sure to get a police report to use as evidence in your custody case.
How do I heal after abuse?
- Realize it was not in your control and not your fault
- Realize that it was the abuser who had issues and there was nothing wrong with you
- There is still hope for a better life
- Spend time with friends and family